Beware of the Bats
In Brewersbrook we have been busy this week putting up the barricades. We are aware that the premier of New South Wales Madame Glad has said that she doesn’t want people from Melbourne in her state. Well, we don’t want them coming to Brewersbrook either.
We have always had doubts about Melbourne or Batmania as we call it. The problem with Batmaniacs, or Bats as we call them, is that you don’t know where they have been or what they have. We in Brewersbrook know where everybody has been and what they do when they go there.
Chairman Dan has said that when you meet someone from Melbourne you should ask whether they have been social distancing recently but country people don’t like having intimate conversations with strangers.
People in Brewersbrook don’t need to worry about social distancing because we have the ute rule. When Brewersbrookians go to a mass gathering they have to stay in their utes. If they want to have a conversation they can stand on the tray at the back. These days utes are all huge Tonka trucks so every individual is 1.5 meters apart whether they like it or not.
Speaking of mass gatherings, we in the goldfields are very worried about the footy getting up and running. The AFL seems to be in a mess over the Essendon Football Club. First, an Irishman was said to have the virus, and then it was said that he didn’t. In the meantime, half the team has been put into quarantine. It reminds us of the old joke about the Irish sergeant addressing his men.
“Will you fight or will you run”
“You will what?”
“I thought youse would.”
The Brewersbrook Bullants are preparing to take on the Rokewood Grasshoppers in the opening match of the insect league. This, along with the netball match between the Bullants and the Hoppers, is the highlight of the sporting calendar.
Our problem is that we are having trouble finding 23 fit players. Many of the boys are carrying extra COVID kilos as a result of isolating at home with freshly made scones, jam and cream laid on for morning tea, homemade pies for lunch and meat and veg for dinner. With no exercise for three months, they will all be done by half time. Only the shearers have been working and they need three hours of chiropractic treatment just to be able to stand up straight.
We might have to use the ball boys and the trainers to make up the numbers.
It will be a pity if the game doesn’t go ahead because the ground looks in perfect condition. It can hold 5,000 socially distanced utes, so that is 20,000 spectators if the kids stand on the trays. The supporters have been baking for weeks and are looking forward to a bit of socializing.
That’s why we don’t want the Bats coming up and infecting our insects.